Sexual feelings
As people grow up, their romantic and sexual feelings can get even stronger and sometimes they want to share those feelings with someone else. Spending quality time with someone, doing activities you both enjoy, talking about your experiences, sending romantic messages, discussing your likes and dislikes and sharing hopes and future dreams are all ways that you may like to get closer to someone that you are attracted to. When you are sexually attracted to someone and they are sexually attracted to you, you may reach a point when you want to express this physically. Just as every person likes different levels of non-sexual touch (e.g. hugs, tickles, personal space), they also like different levels of sexual touch.
Consent
Remember, before being sexual with someone, you need to know if they want to be sexual with you too. Without consent, sexual activities is sexual assault.
Sexual activities and sex
There are lots of things to consider when you are working out if you are ready to begin to have sex. Some people may be ready for some kinds of sexual activities and not others at various times of their lives. Some people may not want to have some kinds of sex or any sex at all. This can change at different times of life.
The word sex also means different things to different people. It is more than just penises and vaginas – it is hugging, kissing and touching genitals, and can include oral and anal sex too. When most people talk about ‘having sex’ they are usually referring to sexual intercourse or penetrative sex. Sexual intercourse involves an erect penis entering a vagina or anus (sometimes called penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus sex). Keep in mind that it’s possible to be sexual without having intercourse. Things like kissing, touching, rubbing and stroking are all things that can feel good too. Knowing about all of these options can help you make informed choices that are best and safest for you and your partner.
Consequences of unsafe sex
Sex can be enjoyable and fulfilling but can involve risks. It is important to know about these risks so that you can make informed choices and help to reduce risks and unwanted consequences.
Pregnancy
Part of deciding if you are ready to have sex is understanding that penis-in-vagina sex can result in pregnancy and knowing how to prevent unintended pregnancies. A person with a uterus can get pregnant the first time they have sex and even before they have had their first period (because they may have already started releasing eggs). It is possible for a person with a uterus to get pregnant at any time in their menstrual cycle (even when they have their period or has just finished it). Not having sexual activity where sperm can come in contact with the vagina (abstinence) is the only 100% effective method of preventing pregnancy.
Contraception (birth control)
Contraception is something you do or use to prevent pregnancy. If two people decide to have penis-in-vagina sex, it is important for both partners to talk about ways to prevent pregnancy and STIs before having sex. The responsibility for contraception should be shared equally. Condoms are the only form of contraception that also protect against sexually transmissible infections (STIs). For other common contraceptive options see Relationships, sex and other stuff booklet (PDF 2.6KB).
Contraceptives are highly effective when used correctly but no contraception is 100% effective. Knowing about a pregnancy early is vital to make sure the person gets the help they need. For information on how you would know if you are pregnant see Relationships, sex and other stuff booklet (PDF 2.6KB). Or, if you or someone you know thinks or knows they are pregnant and needs support, they can get non-judgemental support from the Sexual Health Helpline (08) 9227 6178 (Metro) or 1800 198 205 (Country). Remember, if you or someone you know thinks they may be pregnant, it is really important to talk to a trusted adult.
Safer sex
Safer sex means protecting the health of both you and your partner by having sexual contact in ways that reduce the chances of unintended pregnancy or STIs. Some sexual activities have less risk than others. For example, not having penis-in-vagina sex means that there is no risk of pregnancy. And only kissing, cuddling, massaging and rubbing each other’s bodies reduces the risk of STIs.
For penis-in-vagina, penis-in-anus and, and oral sex, the best way to prevent STIs is to use condoms and dams (this is sometimes called having ‘protected sex’).
Read Relationships, sex and other stuff booklet (PDF 2.6KB), visit Get the Facts (external site) for more information (including places that offer condoms for free), and free STI testing in Western Australia at healthysexual.com.au by taking an online quiz, downloading a form, and taking it to a testing clinic.
Youth Law Australia (external site) is also a great website if you would like more information about sex, sexual relationships, and laws that relate to you.
Sexual assault
If you know someone who has been sexually assaulted, The Sexual Assault Resource Centre has a 24 hour emergency helpline 1800 199 888 for people 13 years and older. In cases of recent sexual assault, go to the nearest hospital or doctor.