Toilet training

Most children are not ready to control their poo and wee (bowels and bladder) until they are about 2 years old, and some not until they are 3. Often the first sign is when they tell you while they are doing wee or poo, or has just done it.

If you praise him for telling you, they will learn to tell you before they do it. Your toddler is ready to use the toilet or potty when they:

• starts taking an interest when you (or others) use the toilet
• pulls at their wet or dirty nappies
• can hold on for long enough to get to the potty or the toilet
• knows when they have to do a wee or poo before they do it
• tells you that they don’t want to wear nappies anymore
• understands that they’re meant to use the toilet or potty.

Wait until your child is ready.

You’re less likely to have toilet training problems if you don’t start too early.

• Boys are often later than girls.
• Some children learn to control poo first.
• For others, control over wee happens first.

Teach your child the words they need, such as ‘wet’, ‘dry’, ‘wee’, ‘poo’, ‘it’s coming’. Choose words that you are comfortable with.

Choose either a potty or the toilet – or a mixture of both. Find out what your child would prefer.

• A potty is mobile and less scary than the toilet for some children. Remember to take it with you if your child is not happy to use a toilet.
• If you’re using the toilet, you need a special toilet seat and a footstool or step (such as a couple of bricks) so that your child can get up to the toilet by themselves, and feel safe and relaxed. They need to be relaxed to let the wee or poo out.
  • Make sure that they can get to it by themselves (door open, light on at night), and that it’s always ready for them.
  • Remind the rest of the family that there’s no time to set it up when they really have to go NOW!
• Some toddlers are afraid of being flushed down the toilet – you can use a potty, let them flush the toilet with you, or flush when they’re out of the way.
• Make sure your toilet area is safe. Keep household cleaners, deodorants and toiletries out of reach.
• If you feel comfortable, let your toddler come into the toilet with you, and talk about what you are doing.
• Start by using underpants or training pants during the day (except at night and during daytime sleeps). 
• Let your toddler choose their underpants to make it more fun.
• Make sure your child is wearing clothes that are easy to get on and off, and wash.
• Toilet training is often easier in warm weather because there’s less clothing to remove. You might like to let them go without pants or nappies for some of the time.
• Learn your child’s signals so you’re ready to guide them to the potty or toilet in time.

If you think your child is ready, choose a time when you can stay at home, and have lots of time and patience to give them your full attention. It’s best to delay toilet training if there are other changes going on, such as a new baby or your toddler is starting childcare.

• Leave the potty where your child can see and touch it – try sitting teddy on the potty ‘to do a wee’.
• When your child is doing a poo in their nappy, say, ‘I think you’re doing a poo’.
• Later, watch for signs that they are about to do a wee or poo (such as stopping very still for a moment) and guide him to the potty or toilet. Say something like ‘Let’s see if there’s a wee coming’. Eventually they will know and get there themselves.

Lots of praise

If your child tells you before they do a wee or poo, thank them and take them to the toilet or potty straight away. Toddlers can’t ‘hold on’ for more than a few seconds. Even if they doesn’t get there in time, praise them for pulling down their pants, trying to get to the toilet, or sitting on the toilet.

Praise them for what they’ve achieved – ‘You did that really well’.

• Don’t make your toddler sit on a potty or toilet for long periods of time. Your toddler will think they are being punished and it does not help toilet training.
• Reward successes with cuddles. Say things like ‘I am proud of you for trying’.
• Be positive and praise small successes. Learning to use the toilet is a new skill and can be a difficult one.

It is common for toddlers to relax and ‘let go’ as soon as they stand to walk away from the potty. They may not be quite ready for toilet training if this is happening a lot.

Outside the house

• It’s easier to stay home for the first few days when you start toilet training.
• When you have to go out, it’s a good idea to learn where the nearest toilets are at the shops or the park. When you get there, ask your child if they need to go.
• If you’re visiting, take the potty or toilet seat with you.
• It’s OK to use a nappy for long trips or nights away from home.
• Keep a spare change of underpants and clothes for your child when you’re out until they’re very confident about using the toilet.

• Teach girls to wipe themselves from front to back to avoid getting poo into the vagina.
• Teach boys to shake their penis after a wee to get rid of any drops. Boys who are not circumcised need to be careful as the foreskin may trap some wee.
• It may help, in the early stages, to float a ping pong ball in the toilet for little boys to aim at.
• Your toddler doesn’t have the skills to wipe their bottom properly, so you will need to do this with them until they can get it right.
• Teach your toddler to always wash their hands after using the toilet or potty. Make it a fun activity.

Learning to control bowel and bladder can be a big task for your toddler and there will be ‘accidents’ and problems. Remember that your toddler can’t ‘hold on’ to a wee or poo that is ready to come out.

If they’re busy playing, they won’t always notice that the wee or poo is coming until it starts to come out, or it’s too late to get to the toilet.

You can expect ‘accidents’ while they’re still learning.

Starting too soon

Starting too soon can cause problems.

You and others might want them to be ready by a certain time, such as when they turn 2 or before you go on holiday. But you really have to wait until they are ready, even if it doesn’t suit your plans.

Relax

Toilet training works best when there is no pressure for you or your child.

If you start getting stressed, wait a few weeks until things are less tense. If you pressure your child, learning is harder. You can’t ‘make’ your child wee or poo, and it’s even more difficult if they’re upset and tense. Punishment does not help with toilet training. Life changes Any stress in your child’s life, such as sickness, a new baby or starting childcare, can set things back temporarily. Hiding when doing poo Many children who are being toilet trained may start hiding in strange places to do a poo. Your child may poo behind the sofa, inside a cupboard, outside in the garden or anywhere that they feel safe. It is not known why children do this, and they obviously can’t explain it. They usually stop doing it, generally without you having to do anything apart from encouraging them to do a poo in the potty or toilet. Check that your toddler still has easy access to the potty or toilet, including a footstool and special toilet seat if they use the toilet. Try putting the potty in a more private place. Don’t get annoyed with your toddler for doing poo in the wrong place. It will not help and can make things worse.

Spreading poo around Doing a poo feels good, and parents show a lot of interest in poo during toilet training, so it’s normal for toddlers to be interested in their own poo.

Some toddlers get some poo on their hands and spread it around. This isn’t nice to deal with, but your toddler is not trying to upset you. There are germs (viruses and bacteria) in poo, but hot water and normal household cleaners are usually enough to clean cots, walls and other furniture.

Constipation Make sure your toddler has a healthy diet with lots of vegetables and water so they don’t become constipated (hard poo).

Constipation can make it hurt when a child does a poo. They might try to hold on and not be able to push it out, or become very upset. A warm bath can help relax the muscles – quickly pick him out of the bath, and praise them for letting the poo out even if some goes into the bath water. See your doctor if the problem doesn’t go away.

Physical problems If a toddler who has been dry during the day starts to have many wet pants again, they may have a health problem such as a urinary tract infection, or it may be a sign of some big change in her life, like a new baby in the family.

See your doctor if your child sometimes has wet pants by 3½ years or older.

Many children still wet the bed long after they are dry during the day.

Over 1 in 10 children in the younger primary school years still wet their beds and most will grow out of it.

• Don’t worry about bedwetting if your child is under 5.
• Don’t make your child wash their own pants or sheets after an ‘accident’. This will make them feel bad and can make the problem worse.
• Check with your doctor to make sure there is no medical problem if:
  
  • bedwetting continues after your child is around 5
  • your child has been dry and starts wetting again
  • one child is bedwetting at a later age than others in the family.

learn more about Bedwetting visit www.raisingchildren.net.au.